Why Fathers are VITAL!

In America, this weekend is “Father’s Day.”  I’m surprised I’m not hearing more of an uproar than is out there in an era when the Left doesn’t know what a man or woman is, or what a father or mother is. Here at Light on the Rock we have not lost our bearings. A father is more than just a man. He is a man who is the leader of his family.

The very Hebrew word for “father” is Av or Ab.  The word picture means “strength of the house” or “leader of the home.”  And yes, I also realize too many men do not live up to that ideal and do not and cannot lead their homes. But let’s speak of the ideal.

We’re in a world where men and fathers are often being belittled or ridiculed. Commercial after commercial in the past few years seem designed to ridicule and make men and dads look stupid. Watch out for this and you’ll see. Children in commercials, teaching dad something he’s too stupid to know. Women, wives, and others showing the ignorant dad or husband a thing or too. The woman or child is almost always the smart one in these commercials. I’ll bet you start noticing that more now. I find them sickening.

Plus now, a lot of women think their children don’t really need their father, especially in cases of divorce. Most children will handle their parents’ divorce eventually. But the relationship between their mom and dad after their divorce will have a great impact and will also affect their goal to be traditionally married. j

A father, as explained in scripture, is more than just a man begetting children – but is responsible to those children he begat. He loves them, and loves the mother of those children and – ideally before begetting any child, this man has entered into the sacred bond called “marriage” and is committed to keeping his marriage vows to stay together in sickness or health and no matter what life throws at them.

That’s a short summary of the Biblical ideal. I realize that many men and women who are now believers in Messiah and children of our heavenly Father, did not – or felt they could not -- follow that ideal. Many brothers and sisters in Christ I know have divorced. Or have had abortions. I know there are people out there who brought children into the world but never in a family setting. So for those for whom it applies, we repent – and move on, this time walking with God as closely as we can and IN Christ, we CAN have a new life. A GOOD life. I have not been an ideal and perfect father either. But like everything else in life, we grow in our understanding and our repentance as we turn from our former ways and turn TO our heavenly Father.

Satan and those following his ways in his world, hate the family. So fatherhood, motherhood, family, marriage for life, being totally pro-life with any children begotten – are all under attack. We members of God’s family must be totally aware of that and stand up for Biblical standards.

ARE fathers really that important? We look to the heavenly pattern and God’s word for our instruction and standard.

The Supreme Being of the whole universe is called God Most High in many scriptures, and he may be better known to many of you as “God the Father.”  He is called that many times. I know him as “MY Father,” or OUR father, not just “the” Father. When Yeshua/Jesus was resurrected, the first thing he said to Mary Magdalene is to tell the others that he ascending to “my God and your God, to my Father and your Father” (John 20:17).

Now Jesus was teaching a more personal relationship. Though God is referred to as the “Father” several times in the Old Testament, most people did not equate Him with a loving Daddy figure – but a terrifying figure, an awesome God, whom only the High Priest could approach and only once a year in the Holy of Holies on the day of Atonement (Yom Kippur). 

But Jesus came to show us – among other assignments – that God Most High is also our Abba, our dear daddy in heaven. He taught us to pray, “OUR Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.”  (Matthew 6:9).  If that had been recorded in Hebrew, he’d be saying “our Ab is heaven” (or Abba). Jesus taught us that our dear Father could be seen in everything we see in Christ – in fact Jesus Christ is described as the mirror image, the express image or exact replica of his Father (Hebrews 1:1-3). We tend to think of the Father as harsh, but Jesus as gentle. In fact, Jesus is exactly what Father above is like!

So the standard for having a FATHER over his family is GOD himself, over his family. You and I are the children. God the Father is always depicted primarily in the Male form, though God actually makes up all the qualities found both in man and woman. Remember, God said, “Let us make mankind in our image” – and “In the image of God created he THEM, male and female created he” (Genesis 1:26-27).  So you women reading this, you are in as much of God’s image as men are. But nonetheless, God Supreme is depicted as Father – not mother.

Having said that, there are definite hints at how the concept of “God” includes feminine traits too – how he has us inscribed in the palms of his hand, how he SINGS to us to comfort us (Zephaniah 3:16-17). Do you ever picture GOD that way – singing to you? He does! He loves doing it. Even the description El Shaddai – God Almighty – has hints of womanhood. Shad in Shaddai – can and does actually point to providing for us, as a mother’s breast provides for and gives comfort to her infant at her breast. Look it up! But I used to love to sing to my children especially when they were small.

IF anything, this should lead us men who are fathers to understand we also can be, must be, more like God – gentle, loving, joyful, patient, kind, loving, not easily angered, full of faith and faithfulness and self-controlled. At the same time, we live out the FRUIT of God’s presence, of his Spirit whether we are men or women. Please watch and listen to my sermons on The Fruit of God’s spirit and on John 15:2,6.

So if God Most High chooses to be known as our FATHER – I think HE thinks fatherhood must be important!

Ephesians 3:14-15  “For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,  15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named…”

From the Passion translation Eph 3:14-15:  “So I kneel humbly in awe before the Father of our Lord Jesus, the Messiah, the PERFECT FATHER of every Father and child in heaven and on earth”.

IF you are someone who grew up without a father in your home – as I did after age 12 – or if your father died while you were growing up (mine died when I was 30), or if your father was absent or was or is a terrible example, remember this:

Get on your knees, speak words confidently to God in Heaven and just say, “My Father in Heaven, I don’t have a father on earth (or whatever your case is). Will you, Father,  be my Father now and going forward. Your love for me is for forever. I accept you as my Father and thank you that you will accept me as your child, and all of this has been made possible by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

So you now have the perfect Father. Get to know him. He knows you. He knows everything about you – and loves you anyway. I have often felt like I shouldn’t even be here, but God had different plans for me by his favor and grace. He has a better and different plan for you too if you submit to him. 

Some of you have been great parents. Thank you. That’s wonderful. Some of you/us have been imperfect parents or had a non-existent or “bad” dad. Some of you had a horrible dad.  We can move on now and trust God our Father will work everything out for the good for those of us who love God and are the called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

TELL your father some of the profound impacts he’s had in your life, while you can. Don’t put it off. I wrote my dad in the Philippines such a letter. He responded by letter that it made a profound impact on him.  Then a few days later, my mom called to say my dad had died. I was SO glad I let him know how proud I was of him, and I listed many of the things that made me proud of him. Too often we wait til the eulogy to say positive things.

A father in a home should give his boys and girls a model of a man, a truly masculine and loving man. Not “toxic masculinity” – but a man who will have standards in the home and give a sense of protection. Children need security as well as love. I remember times as a child being afraid at night. Dad would sit with me on my bed and explain he was there, and I had nothing to be afraid of, and most of all, “God has his angels all around you and our whole family, and we’re in the best hands”.  Then he’d pray with me, and all would be well. 

My dad – in my hearing – would tell my older brother to be sure to look after me and my sister and be sure we were safe. I now do the same with the older grandsons – to always look out for and protect their younger siblings.

The Father in the home should set behavior standards for the household. Some things we positively do, because they’re the right thing to do. Some things we absolutely do not do, because they are wrong.  Give your kids the details of good and wrong – from the Bible, ideally. Moms teach this too, but when Mom and Dad do it together, those kids will more likely live a happy and productive life. Dad and mom are role models!

Dads should show the kids how to do things around the house like basic plumbing – how to fix a leaky faucet or replace light bulbs, or change the oil in the car. This goes for sons and daughter alike. Sons and daughters alike should also be taught to cook and do basic housework (run the dishwasher, washer and dryer) and how to iron a shirt or blouse, or sew on a button or plant a flower or plant correctly. If a dad doesn’t have those skills, he should encourage his sons specially to watch at a safe distance the plumber or carpenter or handyman who comes by to do things.

Dad and mom should be working in loving harmony together. If there has been a divorce, then when dad or mom has the children for a few days – teach them skills in an atmosphere of loving patience. Take them fishing. Show them how to hook a worm, or how to cast out the fishing line and clean a fish.

Tell your kids stories of when you were growing up. They can be funny stories. My grandkids like my “most embarrassing moments” stories and laugh so loud – but it builds a bond, that I did quirky things too at times as a child. But also pass on the family stories so they grow with a sense of belonging. Kunta Kinte – remember those shows? Even a black slave taught his children about the family lines.

Instill a love of reading and learning. Cut down or cut out cell phone use when they’re young. Our grandchildren here love to read! And they’re very smart, already doing college level work and they’re in middle teens. I personally would not let my children or teens have a cell phone or laptop in their bedrooms after bedtime. It’s just too dangerous  for them.

When there’s conflict, dads should show the way to how we resolve conflicts without fights or blood being spilled!  Imagine all the killings, shootings and fights going on now that never should be happening – if only those people had dads or good men in their lives.

You women who are alone, but have children at home with you, try to find a good man from church (not from a bar) who can be like a father to your children from time to time.  If you express your needs, maybe other families can include your family in their activities. I had men who stepped into my life and did manly things with me when I was a teenager. A man who can listen to the children or teens growing up without their real dad. Let the kids express themselves. I truly believe these men were Godsends into my life!  I called such a man on the phone many years later who was by then in his 80’s, just to tell him how much he meant to me when I was 15-16 years old.

This man who comes into your life, or any adult really, should seek first to understand, before seeking to be understood. Listen. Repeat what you think you heard them say, but using different words, so they know you understand. And mostly, just be there and doing fun things, when possible, too.

So many young people in gangs and who get in trouble – so often have grown up without a father or a father figure influencing them, or one who sets boundaries and limits in their behavior, and who imposes consequences for bad behavior. But make sure the child understands you still love and care for them even when they have to be corrected.

Fathers are important too because proper male affection is so needed for young boys and teens – and girls too! When proper Dad affection is present, the children are far more likely to grow into traditional roles for marriage and families. Dads, have appropriate contact with your sons as they grow older. A hug, a pat on the shoulder, an approving nod all mean something. I remember one man telling me the most significant memory he had of his dad was his dad tossing an orange peel to him. It made him feel noticed. I was amazed by this.

Girls having strong and loving fathers is very important too. A father can – with mom there too – teach the daughter as they grow older about boys, in a good way. How to sit properly. How their modesty helps the boys control their raging hormones better, for example. And how precious their virginity is. Have you noticed how many “teen movies” out there are all about losing one’s virginity? Nowadays, it seems virgins are mocked, especially if they’re 16 or older already!

Did I do any of that perfectly as a father? No. But we did some. It’s too bad that so many fathers have to work overtime or into the night, and not be there to read a book to their children. And time doesn’t wait for us. They get older and we miss opportunities.

But somewhere in all that, some things must have been good.

Most people tell me our kids – now in their 30’s and 40’s, are wonderful model citizens. And now that I’m a grandfather, I want to be a grandpa that has a positive impact on the grandchildren. The things I wish I had done, I can now do as a grandpa. So we’ll play games on Father’s day. Water fights in the back yard with our water soakers, go to the swimming pool in the community and have fun. Then we’ll talk, play more games, and let them know how much we love each of them.   

So yes, dads are important. If you’re a Dad reading this, recommit to being a loving and strong dad. If you’re a grandfather, try being and doing the things with grandkids this time around, that you missed doing as a dad. Give your children and grandchildren security and love – that they’re in a secure, protected home led by a loving dad. Be their role model. Pray with them. Repent with them. Confirm God’s love for them, even when they’ve “done bad” – THROUGH you, being forgiving and loving too and teaching about their Loving Father in heaven.

Let them see you be delighted in their mother when you come home. They see you – their dad – kiss his wife when he comes home. And their mom is beaming with joy too.

We need to get back to this. And yes, dads are important. Moms are so important too. Let’s not be listening to the dangerous words we’re hearing that we don’t need strong families, marriages that are full of love, and children who are happily obedient and on the right track for success and happiness.

Dads, you have a big part to play in this.

Have a happy Father’s Day, dads. Thank GOD we still have some dads who make a world of difference in millions of lives. Thank you, Dads.