Light on the Rock Blogs
Can men also be the “helper”? Or is it just up to women?
This should be a simple blog, but I believe a very necessary one. Sometimes men, especially men over 50 or 60, rise up and decide they have to take charge of something because, they say, “that’s what men do. God made us to lead and be in charge, and he made women to follow and be our helpers. We men cannot be good helpers because we weren’t called for that, so women should stand aside and let men lead and make decisions while they help.”
Any man who says that needs an hour of instruction from God’s word. I will start it with this blog.
Yes, God made the first woman to be the “ezer” to the man – a Hebrew word meaning his helpmeet or helper. Remember that word “ezer.”
Genesis 2:18 NKJV And YHVH God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper [ezer] comparable to him."
CJB: “…I will make him a companion suitable for helping him.”
NIV “… I will make a helper suitable for him.”
So yes, woman was made to be man’s helper. But does it stop there? Are men to be helpers too?
The Hebrew word here for “help” or “helper” is “ezer.” It means helper. Strong’s word #5828. It refers to aid or assistance given.
Now here’s a wake-up call to the macho men who want to be helped by women but don’t see themselves as helpers.
Have you heard of the name “ELIEZER”? Do you know what it means? “GOD is my helper.” Eli = my God. “Ezer” = helper. My God is my helper. My God says he sees himself in relation to us to be like Eve was to Adam: the helper.
Imagine that! The same God who created Eve to be Adam’s helper tells us that HE is also our helper! Same word. Ezer. Stop for a second and let that sink in. GOD, my ALMIGHTY GOD, is MY helper. That’s amazing! He’s not “above” being – like Eve – our helper. Let’s allow scripture confirm all this.
Read Exodus 18:2-4. Moses had named one of his sons “Eliezer.” Why?
Exodus 18:4 “and the name of the other was Eliezer (for he said, "The GOD of my father was my HELP, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh").
Deuteronomy 33:7 –in blessing Judah: “… may You (GOD) be a HELP against his enemies.”
Psalms 33:20 “Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our HELP [our “ezer”] and our shield.”
I have a sermon or teaching about how Yeshua/Jesus is our SERVANT KING. Just enter those 2 words – Servant King – into the Search bar on this site and you’ll find it. Please listen to it if you know you need this topic, and frankly we all can learn to be better servants of God and of one another, including serving the women and serving our families – all while being like Christ, the servant KING. We can be the leader of our homes and church and still be a helper.
I also have another blog “Who is the Greatest Servant in your Family.” You might find that useful too.
You see Jesus said, those who serve the most will be considered by God to be greatest of all in his kingdom. The male disciples were vying for status and claiming to be the greatest among the disciples. Jesus called them together and firmly said, “STOP! You guys- aren’t getting it. The way you’re talking is NOT at all the Kingdom way. You want to be great? Go and become a great servant, an awesome helper wherever and to whomever help is needed. Then, maybe Father will consider you as a great person in his kingdom!”
A meeting of elders should never be referred to as a “minister summit.” A SUMMIT? The high place of high elders? That’s ridiculous. We’re not like the Catholics whose leaders are ARCH-bishops, or Cardinals (meaning “the main ones”) or Holy Father – a title that belongs to God our Father alone according to Jesus.
So we men need to be careful with titles. “Holy and reverend is HIS name” (Psalm 111:9 KJV), so I never ever go by the title “Reverend” though I’m an ordained minister. I realize in context of God, “reverend” can mean “awesome” or awe-inspiring”. So men… let’s watch out for this. The word “minister” means “one who ministers to or serves others.”
Luke 22:24-27 Now there was also a dispute among them, as to which of them should be considered the greatest. 25 And He said to them, "The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those who exercise authority over them are called 'benefactors.' 26 But NOT SO among you; on the contrary, he who is greatest among you, let him be as the younger, and he who governs as he who serves. 27 For who is greater, he who sits at the table, or he who serves? Is it not he who sits at the table? Yet I am among you as the One who serves.”
So in practical terms, help out. Pastors should be serving at times too and helping out. Help clean up after the church potluck or coffee. If chairs and tables have to be returned to a certain spot, jump in. Help out. Serve. Help. I mean all of you men too.
At home, who would the kids say is the greatest servant in the home? I hope there’s a good chance they might say “Dad is.” Probably most would say “mom” and moms still do most of the cooking and clean up. We men should definitely be helping clean up afterwards, and sweeping floors, and preparing coffee, and serving the coffee. Come on men, let’s be like Christ who said, “Yet I am among you as the One who serves,” as we just read in Luke 22:27.
Yeshua also said, I am one among you who washes your feet. I come as one who serves. Nobody else offered to wash feet, but I – your Lord and Master – did it as an example for all you men and all of you: Serve, be a slave, be a servant. It’s not demeaning. In God’s eyes, it’s the very thing that will likely lead him to raising you up higher.
So men, women, children – all of you – let’s all be willing to help one another. If you’re not helping at home or at church or anywhere, it doesn’t mean you’re someone great. It means you don’t “get it” yet.
Now a note to the younger men under age 35 especially, maybe even under age 50. Though we are all called to serve, we men HAVE also been called to lead. And as we lead, we serve as well. But I say especially to you younger men because I’m seeing so many of you buy into the woke culture and are not fulfilling your God-given role as leaders. The husband is to lead the family.
But too many men, fathers and husbands are just simply disappearing and not fulfilling their role – without being a dictator. God fearing women will be encouraging their husbands to lead, even while they also help in any way they can. And men, we are to seek ways to help as well, even as we lead. Be sure you all read Ephesians 5:22-32 again and live by it. Read 1 Corinthians 11:3-9 and see how we all need one another. Here’s the part about men leading in a servant way:
1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
Again, remember this leadership is all in context in this blog about how God himself, though He is Supreme over all, claims to be our HELPER. How wonderful a Father and leader we have. That’s our example.
Long ago women started “wearing the pants” at home and making all or most of the decisions, instead of talking things through together and then a final decision is made, ideally by the husband. But the man should be smart and realize his wife – who may be advising something different than he’s thinking – is often right and her insights should be respected and often followed.
Look at the Proverbs 31 woman, you guys. Her husband TRUSTS here to make all kinds of big decisions including buying land, a home, or a vineyard. In our 47 years of married life, when buying one home I made the decision to buy as Carole was many thousands of miles away. Then another time it was HER decision and we absolutely trusted each other, though we did discuss it all together.
So men, we ARE called to be heads of our household and head of our wife – but as Christ leads, loves, HELPS, and serves his Bride. He’s our pattern.
In fact, I’ve started saying in recent years to Carole, “what makes you so smart? How come I didn’t see that?” -- and then we make the decision and sometimes it’s her suggestion and sometimes it’s mine.
God does say that a wife’s head is her husband. The husband’s head is Christ. And Christ’s head is God the father (1 Cor. 11:3) But again, though our wives are to submit to their husbands as the head of the family – and yes, we are and should be the head of the family, men – but we also must LOVE our wives the way Christ loves the Church. He’s not constantly picking on her. In fact he sees her “without spot or wrinkle.” We’re the church, his future wife. ARE we without spot or wrinkle? DO we live perfectly? But that’s how he sees us, according to Ephesians 5:28.
And please – though you are the head under Christ and God in your family, remember that even God Almighty himself proclaims that HE is also our ezer – OUR helper. So we help one another while we fulfill our roles in the family.
This an awesome lesson for Kenyan men or generally African men. Christ as the Head of the Church came to serve and not to be served as stated in Luke 22:27. We men should know that leading the family is part of the service. As young men, this is a timely message for us. Now I understand that we are not bosses but helpers according to Deuteronomy 33:7; Psalm 33:20. I have also learned that we should not assume big titles like cardinals, reverend etc that belongs to our Creator.
What a powerful but challenging message to men in general! Many a times, men have believed that only women are helpers and not the verse verse but this Message by Philip Shields scripturally proves both God and Christ are helpers and that men and women too are helpers of one another! This Message- can men be helpers, is awake up call to men especially in the body of Christ who ought to know better! It has really challenged my perception and I recommend every man and woman to read and study this powerful message that God has led Philip Shields of Light on the Rock, to write and share!
Yours in Christ Jesus,
George Otieno Owato,
Holy Anointing Church of God
(Seventh Day) Migori- Kenya
Thank you Philip for having this important message; this is a picture of a family life of a man (husband) and woman (wife). In other terms what is expected of each other in the marriage life. It a good gesture to highlight that we should be each other’s helper by doing so it will be a sign of showing love to each other. A good example a man/husband can have a day in kitchen and prepare food for the family!